Thursday, May 20, 2010

I don't not anymore!

I would say on any given day that most of us struggle with ourselves to do what is good for us. We try hard to eat well and get our rest. We work hard on our issues with ourselves and others.We try to teach our children to do the right things.More often then not we get stuck in situations and relationships that are not good for us and for whatever reason we are willing to stay and suffer for the sake of the children. At least that is what we tell ourselves and others. The truth...we are afraid to upset and disrupt status qua. We do not want to feel pain or cause others pain. We definitely do not want to hurt our children. Wow I have been there!!! Oh man have I been there! Now I look back on it and I remember my inner self feeling as if it could die. Trapped and unhappy. Knowing that my marriage was truly over and staying because I did not want to cause my children or my husband pain. Some stupid reason I thought if I was the only one feeling the pain it was ok. Wow... stupid! I wasted years of my life and yes I am sure that my son knew I was unhappy but did not know why. I Worked myself into the ground to avoid my life. I lost soooo much time being unhappy and for what ? I just prolonged the inevitable. I put myself last. FUCK that life is too short and we all deserve the chance to be happy. All of us. There is no prize for being the one who suffers. There is no reward in heaven for suffering unhappiness! If ya think the kids don't know ... come on they know. All you are doing is showing them what a marriage is NOT supposed to be.Years from now they will be in therapy and say they have there relationship issues because of you and the bad example you gave them. To love is not to suffer!!!! TRUST ME! If your inner voice says ...hey I am unhappy and I want more then this, I need to be loved and to give love to someone who will not hurt me...LISTEN! Your inner voice, your gut feeling is there for a reason for you to listen to it. If your child sees you happy and fulfilled, well balanced and healthy, they will strive to be so as well and if you show them a good relationship they will also emulate that. They will not settle for dysfunctional and unhappy in there lives. Now, I am a romantic at heart and I must say if you are with the wrong person you may miss out one the right person. Your other half could be out there looking for you and your stuck with not being able to change your unhappy dysfunctional relationship as they walk right past you!
Now do you think that's truly the way to go here? Think about it really hard! You have one life and one chance to do what is right for you and your children. Don't fuck it up, don't fuck them up. Yes, it is hard to get a divorce and do the whole custody thing, but what do you really want to tech your children in life? Listen to your inner voice it will never lie to you!!!!! Live, grow and change!

1 comment:

Debra said...

Well... you already KNOW my thoughts on this. :) (of course, I followed them with a nice kick to the shin)
LOVE YOU, Beautiful Woman!!