Thursday, April 29, 2010

Lay it down, lay your burden down.

Lay your burden down!Well that's what I do here. I lay it down. I have dealt with my fears and pain and I survive. I give it up, lay it down and hope that my words and my story are meaningful to you in some way. Get what ya can from it. Grow and learn about your self here. That is my hope for you. I sat in myself and felt the old feelings of self doubt. I remind myself that I am never alone and that I have run a long and hard road to end up here. Sitting in my soul looking at my past and contemplating my future. My inner voice is now just my voice. My past is just my past and my future has endless possibilities. Bound only by the constraints of time. I have said it so many times, " I do not know what I want to be when I grow up." Well my best friend reminds me we are grown up! Ugh! I know we are but somehow I had one life already, I was the mother and wife, workaholic and professional.I had that life. I was the grown up, what I never had was a childhood! I give in to childish things now that I could never do before.So this is my second time around in one life time and I know I need to decide on what to do to take care of myself. Money really does not grow on fucking trees my Grandmother was right! I have looked on the internet and not seen one so far! Ha, ha,ha! So now what? No shit I have to grow up! Get a job and I will only do a job if it has meaning and is feeding my soul!I want to help other to move forward and learn to grow. I have not done all this work to get to where I am to keep it to myself! That is why I do this blog and why I am so open with others, I want to help them become survivors and meet there best self. To help them to find there inner voice and let it yell out to the world!! Well, I am working on it and walking my path. We will see.... Until then I blog and do odd jobs for cash! All that is supposed to happen will and in the time frame that it should!I have faith in the powers that be!

Now, I know that time is my constraint! Shit I am after all the big 40 and I guess that climbing Everest is not in my ability at this moment. I am in shitty shape, I do work on it but; hell food taste so good and I hate to exercise! More wine please... one more glass of course!! Ya know the drill to much of a good thing and I grow another ass! I am working on it!!! Do not judge me man! I said I am working on it! So I find myself looking at the time that seems to be flying by so fast now I lose track of the days and months.And no I do not have Alzheimer's!I just know time move quicker the older ya get. I want to push to do all those things I want to do and dream of completing before my time runs out! I am working on it. I will do my best. All to be happy and healthy and grow as a person. And oh yes to help you grow too. Despite what you think you have to deal with. We can all grow and gain freedom from our emotional pain and trauma. Trust me .... I know!!! But you have to want to try and be ready to move forward. Read, learn and leave a comment. Let me know what you think and if I am helping in some way. And even tell me if I am not! I can take it I am a big girl....Grown I mean, not fat!

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