Monday, March 8, 2010

The real deal, Change

So, I have given much thought to what creates a change in people and I could tell you that is is some dramatic event or survival of hardship. I have come to know that although I have been through that kind of thing it is more often realization on self.What you think about your environment and relationships. What you know is good for you and what you are willing to do about what takes away from you. Your time, love and energy. Are you willing to fight for you and your happiness? I took a long time to find my inner self and to listen to myself. I still ignore my true feelings to please others and work on changing that every day.Happiness just does not happen, you have to know what makes you happy and work for it! I think we all have an idea what we want from ourselves and others. But damn it, it is so hard to do what we need to so that we can have what we want from an honest point of view. we lie to our bosses to get a day off because we need time to do something for our family or lie to a friend because they are invading our personal space. we lie to ourselves and say that if we do all the right things we well get that perfect body, while we cheat on our diet and say I will do better tomorrow but that day never comes. I am guilty too man! But I work on it every day and know I am creating change in my life. I recently spoke to an old friend who said that they lived in a strange situation. They are married but have not had sex in 4 years but, hoped it would get better and loved their spouse. I asked if the spouse loved them back. My friend said, I am not sure!! Holy shit wake up and smell the coffee!!! I wanted to smack them in the head and yell wake up, it is over, move on, stop wasting your life. This is not happy!! In a place called happy people in a marriage love each other and talk and share feelings. They have sex!!! Unless agreed that they both don't want to.
Now I have the hole I stay for the kids thing. But hello now you are showing your kids that a dysfunctional relationship is ok. They will some day feel guilty and need counseling and wonder about every relationship they have as an adult. Show them how to be true to themselves and that true love counts. They will still get love from both parents and be just fine. So... instead of saying that out loud I said...oh I am so sorry to hear that. Strange conversation! I was courteous on the outside and freak-in out on the inside. But why did I not say what I wanted to? I think I was afraid or felt awkward, like it was not my place. But now I think damn it why didn't I say it. I should have it was honest and true to myself. I did not want to hurt my friend but enlightenment is never easy. I wish that others had done the same for me in many situations in my life!It may have saved me a lot of work and suffering. So now I can say that I welcome others honesty even if it hurt in the moment.Truth is worth it's weight in gold! Now having truth with your self... much harder. we lie to ourselves for lots of reasons. I know I still do and fight to call myself on it. I am never going to "work out" like a say I will. I hate exercise and sweating! I hate it! So why do I eat that cake and say I will have to just "work it off" that day my friends will never come!Sooo the cake sits on my ass as a sad bump of cellulite! I am sad to say it will never be alone next to it's family of cake bumps. But I work on knowing that I am lying and try to change it. Change is hard! It hurts and is uncomfortable to know and except. But the reward is you being honest to yourself and learning so much from it. You will know yourself truly and then know what you want from yourself and in turn others! Worth it? YES IT IS! As a way of life I can say it gave me more then anything else. My truth is what I stand on and know as the one thing in my life that never fails me. I know that in fear we all so what we must to survive, but, if we do it with truth it changes our outcomes. I know so many people who lie cheat and steel to get to the top and money seems to make them happy...but are they really? Do they have true friends and will the grow in spirit? Will they know simple joys and love or wonder if there bad deeds will come back on them and not truly trust friends family or others because they think others are like them and just look out for themselves and what they want to get. It is a ugly slippery sloop! Truth and change in self can bring you to a higher ground of understanding, who your real friends are and who is truthful with you. What is real love and what is not. No trick no lie no gimmick just truth. Now I am not saying tell your friend she is ugly or fat or her dress is the most loud thing in the room. Use it where it counts.Maybe tell her that you worry she is not happy because she is gaining weight and you love her and know how hard she has to work to keep it off. Use truth to connect not disconnect. Well unless the disconnect is what you want, then be honest about why! A few years ago I did the honest disconnect and ended a friendship that was not good for me. A 20 year friendship. It was hard to do. But others would ask me, how can you still be her friend she is not good for you and lies all the time. I guess I saw the person that she could be instead of who she was. I wanted to be friends with that potential in her, have faith that she could be a better person despite how she hurt me. She would never be the person that I needed as a friend. The disconnect was hard but I know now worth it. She still has not changed...Sometimes truth leads us down roads we never expected and when the changes come, man they come !!! Take it from me. In 2006 I was married had 2 kids and was a workaholic! I had little friends and traveled and gave my life to my job. Thought I would be in that life until I retired and married to the same man. WOW, now I am getting a divorce and my job let me go while I was in the hospital with cancer. My job could not love me, it just took all I could give it and spit me out for someone else who could do it. They did not do it as well and that is the truth, but they could do it. So I was given a choice... I could get well and jump back in to the life that gave me cancer or change it all and be happy.... CHANGE!!!! Found truth in myself and change came in. I feel like a preacher on Sunday folks!! But it is true all of it!!! Live,Grow and Change.... Be happy you have one life one chance at being the person you want to be. When you are true to yourself you will know who that person is, I promise you!

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