Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Well now, I hear my inner voice screaming at me again. Why, Kathy, why?! Why do you trust your fellow man to do the right things when you know they will never live up to that trust. I say, do not be that way, that is so awful. Some live up to that trust and some do not and that is a fact. Yet when someone that can't or don't live up to my trust comes along it hurt so much I say I will not put myself out there again to get hurt. Well.... I do it again and again thinking that I will give people the benefit of the doubt, I will trust my fellow man. I must! I am not the sort to be distrustful, I want so much to think that others are like me and take trust seriously. Wow, I know it sound crazy. I get hit hard a lot on this one. I just do not want to walk through life not trusting. Now I don't trust for the sake of it. i trust people that I know and have become friends with. Not a dark stranger in the ally! I am not stupid here! But friends, people that I have come to know. I can say that I give my trust to friends. Yet these people that I call friends have taken me for stupid. Not all my friends but some of them. They have taken my trust and used it to better themselves and disregarded me and my feelings. The hurt of that is like a break up with a lover. That intimate friendship connection broken and defiled. It hurts... So I tell myself, learn from this and do not give so much of yourself. I can not get that lesson for some reason. I invest deeply in friendships. I can not allow myself not to experience a friendship in it's fullest! Even knowing it may hurt in the end. But I learn from each one and take that for what it is worth. I hope in that I find more of myself and know that the friendship gave me something I needed at the time.Then I lick my wounds and move on!What else can you do, never trust never have the joy of a friend, never experience the world one persons view at a time. Friends have a lot to give and even when the friendship is over you still have some lesson that it gave to you. Now, my mother was agoraphobic and never left the house and did not have friends. She had a sad life. I know I watched it play out for her. I never understood it. She trusted no one. She lived her life behind closed doors with only my father as her confidant. After her death he told he how hard that was for him, he was a social person and wished she could do things with him. He felt responsible for her happiness all the time and hated her for it a good part of the time. I never understood how they worked as a couple. I vowed that I would not ever be like my mother or my father! No matter how hard some friendships are they are worth it! We get so much from the interaction in the end! I hope that trust is something that is seen as a gift from one person to another!!! Think about how you give and how you receive trust it matters for you and others!!!!Think about it! Word of the day!TRUST!